What you resist persists

Tonight after work I wasn't feeling so crappy, which was honestly very strange to me based on how I've been feeling these past few days. Perhaps I am numb, perhaps I am accepting (5 Stages of Grief ala Elizabeth Kubler- Ross...see below). I honestly felt there was something wrong with me that I was O.K. I began cleaning up my clothes, dishes, and other items that I left around my apartment without care when I was feeling extremely depressed. I revisited some old memorable items and wrote a letter without crying. I went early to my yoga class to talk to my friend. As soon as I walked in to the studio, she embraced with a hug that radiated so much love I could cry. You think I didn't? Of course I did. It's so powerful feeling that kind of love from a friend, family member, coworker, or lover. I feel lucky to be alive and loved during these moments. I love going to yoga because of the community and support. I had a great class in a small room with a lot of people. I laughed, interacted, sweat, stretched and flowed.  The class focused on hip opening. This is where we store much of our emotions in our bodies. The idea of opening our hips was to open ourselves to everything that comes our way in life. We also did some grounding poses to help us stay grounded and rooted while experiencing life. My instructor offered us some advice to accept whatever feelings, emotions, life events, etc. that we come across in life, because "what you resist persists". That makes a lot of sense. Acceptance really goes a long way, though it's very difficult sometimes. I liked this advice and needed to hear it tonight. It is OK that I feel angry, sad, neutral, happy...whatever. If you try to fight your feelings, they stay. I'm doing my best. We are not perfect.  I know I need to accept myself more.  I felt very calm and peaceful after class. I described this feeling to my friend and my instructor after class as "yoga drunk". I'm happy to experience these healing moments for myself in a supportive and loving community.

The 5 Stages of Grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Someone who is grieving a loss can and will vacillate among the different stages...a little psycho ed for you and me.