Riding the wave

I was pretty damn chipper today... until we were asked to participate in a guided meditation about our thoughts floating away like leaves on a stream. We were asked to envision a body of water where we have had good experiences in. I tried to get my mind to go to a local park, but it kept going to a river by his house, after which his road is named after. I loved that peaceful road with horse farms, walking bridges, and beautiful nature lining the river. I yearned to return there and knew I would not. Him and I would stay at his parents' house as a retreat some weekends and I would encourage us to do things outside and in nature whenever we could. What a beautiful area that is. I miss it. I miss him. We were asked to share about the exercise and I choked up while speaking about my experience doing it. I see him and I hugging each other on the bridge overlooking the river either after or during a run. I noticed in my body feeling very restless and anxious until the end of the day when I got in my car. I began to cry and cried all the way home. Part of the reason is that I knew I wasn't coming home to him, which I would also do on Fridays. Part of me keeps wishing he will appear on my front steps asking for me back and realizing he made a mistake. I miss him and everything about him. I am mourning. I am sad, but I know that I will heal without having to be rescued by him or by another (as I have in the past). I won't let it happen. As far as the spending more money goes, I am going to take a yoga class tonight at 6:45 with my coworker and friend who I had wanted to reconnect with for some time. My intention tonight is to heal my heart through movement and self-love and care--this is essentially what yoga is. Namaste.