I don't like this one bit

There...I said it. This fucking sucks. And it's going to take time...and I hate sitting in these fucking bullshit feelings. This was not my choice. Life's just not fair. Hopefully I'll have my glory days soon. Honestly, the way I'm feeling just sucks. Living alone is also fucking hard after this. My parents and I are teaching myself to not rely on them. I am not scrambling for plans to spend every moment occupied. I need time with myself, but it's been miserable lately. I guess  I'm going to do a little journaling then probably cry myself to sleep as per usual. Happy fucking early birthday to me. This will probably the most difficult birthday I've had to endure. I was supposed to come home from Florida today and relax tomorrow. Nope. No vacation days for me because I can't not be doing things because I'm so depressed from this. I want to stop surviving and just start thriving. I don't have a personal facebook or instagram, so the people in my life who love and care for me will make themselves known tomorrow by wishing me a happy birthday. I don't want to hear from him. I can't even pretend that he is still in my world. I thought I was going to get a fitbit or some giftcards for my birthday, not fucking heartbreak. I never deserved this or a lot of the stupid treatment I put up with. Love is stupid and I will never give in to it again. I feel hard, cold, and angry. I don't care to go back from feeling this way anytime soon. I won't even wear a claddaugh ring I bought for myself. My heart is not open and it is not taken. I just hope to God I have a good birthday filled with love from those who are unconditionally there for me. That's the least I deserve.