56 more hours!

I decided to stay at work a little later tonight to do some more documentation and much-needed organizing because I feel as if I lost a week or so of productive paperwork time due to my personal crisis that had occurred (which this blog addresses). I was able to be fully present with my clients last week and happy during their sessions, but I needed to allow myself to fall apart a little and recharge more than I would have normally in between. So I lost precious paperwork time. I am giving this time to myself and my company tonight. I am organizing myself because I let my notes and my office "go". I allowed for this to happen as I heal and I am picking up the pieces. This does not reflect my work ethic. Perhaps this is a way in which I self-cared. I don't get comfortable for too long when my life or my physical space is messy, and I always do something about it.
As I was (and am) sorting through my papers, I wanted to also get a better idea as to how many hours I have until I can apply to become a LCSW. So I did the calculation, and...drumroll please!...I have 56 more hours to go! I'm so close! My next 56 clients better show! :P I am experiencing the idea and excitement of new beginnings and accomplishments without him. I wish I could share these moments with him, but him and his family wouldn't think this accomplishment is good enough. It still hurts. I am learning to teach myself to believe that I am good enough, though I have been brainwashed that I am not from numerous sources. I would say that 99% of people in my life think that I am good enough. That other 1% is his family and me. It feels weird to not include him in this accomplishment, but I am literally doing this ALL by myself. :)  (Of course not without the support of my family and friends ( and him for a while...))