Missing him on Star Wars opening day

I couldn't help but think about that empty seat next to him at the movie theatre in Florida or that ugly sweater party he told me about the day before he broke up with me. The day before he broke up with me he also told me that he loves me "a million times more" than an ugly sweater party.  It totally sucks. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I have feelings, I felt sadness about always being put down, but I stuck through it because of love and for hope that things would get better on all ends. For chrissakes I'm a therapist. I KNOW if people care enough about each other then they MAKE it work. I know we hit a rough patch, but I didn't think we were so bad off. At least, he never gave me any indication of this or that things need to change. Totally blindsided. I still believe that things can get better. But if he is not strong enough to deal with what our lives have thrown at us, then he is not be the one for me. I'm still a bit in shock. My clients are asking me about my vacation. I'm telling them what happened and they are in shock. They can't believe it almost as much as I can. It still doesn't feel totally real. It drives me nuts when I think about it so I should keep this post to a minimum and go do something else. My vacation days are screwed at work. These aren't issues to me really. The main issue is that the man who I was/ am in love decided 2 weeks ago to rip himself out of my heart and my life cold turkey. I'm not over it and shouldn't BE over it. The general concensus I hear from people is: "That fucking sucks and doesn't make any sense." I am not a monster. I feel sad when things upset me and become angry when I feel threatened in anyway. I do need to work on this and believe me I have. I am also not perfect. I love with all of my heart and feel for others with all of my heart.  I never felt good enough because of all the messages given to me,  despite my own personal success and my many attempts to be accepted and liked. I internalized this, became depressed and angry, and became all of a sudden "too much" to handle. The right man out there would stick this out with me because they truly love me. Life isn't always going to be pretty and happy and agreeable. I struggle with the lack of connection, so I try to focus on my career and self-care activities. I am off of my personal social media, which helps. I think I'd freak out if I saw a picture of him right now on the vacation we had planned to take together a few months ago. I need o stay disconnected because I am SUPPOSED to still be in his life right now and it is too fresh and I have too many feelings. It fucking sucks and totally hurts, but I'll carry on. It'll fucking suck and hurt less as time goes on. Tonight I am settling in, doing some reading, having soup, and doing some networking. Taking care of myself on this snowy Friday night.